The Other Half Of My Heart
by Prillylove25
Summary: He had the best friend and publicist in the world until his fame went to his head. He hurt the only person who knows him and loves him for who he really is. How can he live without the other half of his heart now that he knows the truth?


**Hi everyone. I am finally getting the chance to post my submission to the Toys For Tots compilation. It is a one shot that started off as a Lyrics to Life submission, but with life and a bit of writers block, it never made it to submission. So ... here it is for all of you guys. **

**A HUGE shout out to the most awesome pre-reader in the world Deebelle1. She gave some great pointers and suggestions and she is just plain awesome. She also made the banner for this fic. So everyone give her a big round of applause because without her help, at times I am lost. **

**Also another shout out to the amazing A Jasper For Me who beta'd this for me before health reasons forced her to take a step back. Honey, I love you lots and hope this puts a smile on your face. **

**As always, I don't own anything Twilight, that all belongs to Stephanie Meyers. **

**Now, one to the fic. I hope you like it. **

**EPOV**

Of all mornings for that damn sliver of light to peek through the curtain and find my hung over face, it would be this morning. I pull my hand up to cover my face and roll over trying to evade the light. Swallowing is just gross at this point because of the alcohol induced cotton balls that have taken up residence in my mouth. Why did I think drinking all of that Cuervo was a good idea?

"Oh shit!" I hear, followed by an annoying giggle.

"Shut the fuck up, Lauren!" I mumble as I shove my head under the pillow.

"Uh … I think you're going to want to call your publicist for some damage control this morning."

"What the fuck for?" I groan from under the pillow.

"Because you were too horny to wait until we got home to fuck me."

My eyes snap open and I throw the pillow off my head before I sit up in a rush of shock. I grab her phone from her hand and look at that fat fuck's gossip site. There in all its slightly grainy glory, is a photo of me fucking Lauren in an alley. "Son-of-a-bitch!"

I jump up from the bed and run over to where my jeans were thrown on the floor and pull out my phone. I find Bella's number and hit send,thankful when she answers on the second ring.

"I'm on my way to your house right now. My flight just landed. I'll be there in twenty," she says before hanging up on me.

_The fuck?_ She just hung up on me! God damn it! Why was she coming in from a flight? She is supposed to be working for me, keeping shit like this from happening. I throw my phone on the bed and stomp off to take a piss.

_Fuck!_ This is the last thing I need. My new movie is in post production and I've got four more offers on the table waiting for my decision. I don't need this right now. I thought I could fucking trust Bella to keep this shit from coming out. That is why I hired her; my best friend. She wasn't in this for the money or the connections she could make. She was in it for me—to help me. That is what we are: a team. At least I thought we were a team. Suddenly half my team decides it's okay to leave and catch a flight somewhere and not tell me.

I finish up in the bathroom and make my way back to my bedroom to change my clothes. A quick sniff of my shirt and I want to hurl. It smells like a dirty bar and the scent of a nasty alley-way. Deciding to make my way back to the bathroom, I strip my clothes off and jump in the shower.

Fifteen minutes later I'm clean and wearing a pair of jeans and a wife beater, as I sit in my living room reading a text message from my very pissed off agent. God damn it! The studio knows and wants a meeting. Could things get any worse?

I hear the door open and close before Bella walks down the hallway and into the living room.

She just stands there looking at me. She is disheveled and exhausted looking. "You look like utter shit! What the fuck have you been up to, because obviously it hasn't been your job?"

"I had an emergency come up. It was last minute. I had to catch a flight out two days ago."

"You've been gone two days?!" I look at her in shock. "You didn't think to tell me, your friend— better yet—your boss, you were going out of town."

"I did. If you'd ever answer your phone when I call you or check your voice-mail, you would've known," she calmly answers me.

I toss my tablet at her, "What the fuck, Swan? You have one major job to do—keep shit like this from happening! I know you have people who usually call you before shit like this gets published. You could've somehow stopped it!"

Letting the tablet fall onto the couch, Bella exclaims, "Did it ever occur to you to show a little restraint and keep it in your pants Edward?" Her eyebrow is arched and her hands are planted on her hips in a way that clearly says she's pissed at me. "An alley, Edward? Not just any alley, the alley just outside the damn doors and line. Everyone saw you. Do you know how many camera phones caught what you did? How many paps caught what you did? There is no amount of work I could have done to keep that off YouTube or out of the press."

"I was drunk. We were having fun. Fuck!" I shout back as if it should have been obvious.

"You're twenty-eight years old Edward and that excuse is getting old. Use the good sense I know Esme and Carlisle gave you," Bella sasses back.

"Don't fucking chastise me. I can do whatever the hell I want. I'm Edward-_fucking_-Cullen!" I yell, pounding my chest. "I pay you to do a job. Obviously one you can't do. I thought I could trust you with all of this—my best friend— but I guess I can't."

As soon as the words come from my mouth, I instantly regret them. I watch as she takes her bottom lip into her mouth, trying not to cry. Bella closes her eyes just before she takes a deep breath and speaks. "I've done everything for you Edward, short of putting the fucking condoms on your fucking cock myself, just to keep you out of trouble. I've kept more shit out of the magazines and off YouTube than I can or even care to keep track of. This one time—_one fucking time_—that I take for myself, to take care of some personal stuff you ..." She doesn't finish because the tears begin to fall.

"Bella … fuck … I …" But I don't get a chance to finish.

I watch as she shakes her head and puts her hands on her stomach. "I'm done, Edward. I'm so done. I can't ..."

"What the fuck do you mean you're done?"

"Just what I said. I can't do it anymore. You don't give two shits about anyone or anything but yourself and what affects you. Somewhere in the last ten years the man I lo-, my best friend Edward, disappeared and was replaced with … this awful person you've become."

"What you are saying?" I ask as I feel the panic rising in my chest.

"I'm telling you that I quit."

My heart quickens and a sense of dread washes over me.

"Oh stop being so dramatic, Bella. We all know when you two finish this fight, you storm out, and then in less than forty-eight hours all will be forgiven. Can we please just skip to that part now and spare me from having to deal with no fun, emo Edward for the next two days?" Lauren asks before flopping down onto the couch next to me.

"I'm done with both of you," Bella announces and there is a sense of finality to her words. "You got yourself into this shit Edward, so get yourself out of it. I'm sure right about now Aro and the other studio execs are having a shit fit over the fact their number one star just got caught, literally, with his pants down in public. If I were you, I would start trying to find a new publicist." I watch, dumbfounded as she makes her way to the door. I know I can't let her leave and run to her just as she pulls it open.

"Bella, come on. You don't mean this. This is the exhaustion talking. Don't do something this stupid."

She takes another deep breath before looking at me. "I can't keep doing this. I can't keep carrying on with this sham of a thing we call a friendship anymore. Everyone always told me it was one sided—that it meant more to me than to you—but I always defended you, hoping you would one day open your eyes and see what is right in front of you. That what you're doing, how you're living, and who you're living with isn't right ..." She takes in a shaky breath before she continues. "I just … I just can't do it anymore. It hurts too much when you brush me aside like I am nothing more than your employee and not the best friend you say I am."

"What the fuck, Bella!" Now I'm really pissed off over the words that have fallen from her lips. "You really think our friendship is one sided? That I don't care about it like you do? I'm the one that took a chance on you when I came out here. I took you out of Podunk Forks and made you into the amazing publicist you are today. Without me and the chance I gave you, you would still be carrying out plates of Sue's special-of-the-day and married to one of the pathetic pieces of shit that couldn't make it out of Forks. You would be struggling to pay the rent and buy diapers for the two-point-five kids you popped out," I spit out at her.

She stands there, just staring at me for the longest time, like she doesn't recognize me before she breaks the silence. "You claim to care so much, but you have yet to ask me where I was and what I was doing during the two days I was gone."

"Does it really matter?" I ask.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head and chuckling humorlessly. "I guess not. Goodbye, Edward," she says before she walks out the door without another word.

I turn and walk back to the living room, utterly dumbfounded. _What the fuck just happened?_

"Stop with the emo shit, Eddie!" Lauren sighs. "She'll be back and things will work out fine. Come here and let me make it better," she says before pulling me down to her and capturing my lips with hers, I soon get lost in a tangle of torn clothes and naked limbs.

Dusk has arrived in a fury of reds and oranges. The sky is on fire as the sun sets and I'm sitting on my back deck watching Lauren's slim body glide through the clear water of my swimming pool. After three hours of 'taking-my-mind-off-of-things' sex, I'm in a much better mood. Lauren is right; all this drama will blow over in a few days and Bella and I will be back to normal.

I try to formulate a plan to get out of whatever trouble I've managed to get myself into with the studio over those pictures. I'm confident I'll be able to play it off, maybe pull the "someone must have slipped something into my drink" card. Say there is no way I would have done that had I not been slipped something. I'm sure that will work since we still have months before the premiere.

I sit back and take a relaxing breath before gulping down a swig of my ice cold beer. I just closed my eyes when I hear my name being screamed from inside the house.

"EDWARD! YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

By the telltale screech, I know it's Rose.

I stand up just as she comes storming out onto the deck, Emmett following behind her with a scowl of his own. "You!" She looks at me and sneers, "I hope you're fucking happy, you no good piece of shit!" She slaps me across the face the second she finishes calling me names.

"What the fuck, Rose?" I ask, as I rub my cheek.

"Don't 'what the fuck, Rose?' me," she says while punching me in the chest.

"God damn it, Rose! Stop fucking hitting me! Tell me what the fuck I did this time."

"You want to know what you did!" she screams before punching my chest again.

"Calm down, Rosie," Emmett says while trying to pull her back a bit.

"No, I will not calm down!" She yells, pulling out of his grasp and coming at me again, this time knocking me down into the chair.

"What the hell, Rose? Stop hitting him," Lauren shouts as she hops out of the pool and comes toward me.

"You!" Rose yells, pushing Lauren backwards. I watch her stumble before she falls down on her ass. "You fake tittied, bottle blonde, Botox-filled bitch! Step the fuck back or I'll pop your double D's right now!" Lauren is in such shock that she just sits there staring at Rose.

"Don't make me call Felix!" I yell as I try to get up and help Lauren, but Rose just pushes me back down into the chair. Where her strength is coming from, I don't know.

"Go ahead and call him. Like he could stop me from kicking your ass. When he finds out what happened, I'm sure he will gladly help me!"

"So tell me what the fuck happened and cut the dramatics, will you?" I'm exhausted and wondering if this day will ever end.

"She fucking left, you asshole!"

"Who left?" I question, confused.

"Of course you would ask who," she says while rolling her eyes. "Bella. Who else could I be talking about?"

I feel as though my heart has stopped beating. Bella left. I just look up at Rose. I open my mouth but the words just won't come out.

"Oh, God! The drama queen. Seriously, she'll be back. I can't believe she is acting like this. She's just trying to get Edward upset so he comes crawling back to her. If she would have just done her job in the first place, this wouldn't be happening," Lauren huffs, finally getting to her feet.

"Do her job? Do her job? How much fucking common sense does it take to not fuck in an alley while a line of people are waiting to get into a club and the paps are standing there waiting to take pictures?" Rose screams at Lauren and I. "Not to mention the fact she had been back in Forks for a full day already."

"She was in Forks? What was she doing back home?" I ask.

"You're really asking me that?" Rose snaps back.

"Yes, I'm really asking you that! What was she doing in Forks?" I question more forcefully this time.

"Charlie had a heart attack. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Luckily though, the EMT's brought him back," she tells me.

I feel myself stumble backwards. The force of Rose's words hit me much harder than any of the blows she physically landed on me earlier. Charlie had a heart attack and … fuck!

"Just realizing what a huge asshole you are?" Rose gloats.

"I … fuck! Is he okay? Does he need anything? I'll get the best doctors we can find." I pull out my phone and scroll to Dad's number, hoping to get some more information from him.

"Don't worry about it. Alec already contacted a cardiologist when he spoke with Bella the day it happened." I'm shocked to hear Emmett speak up finally and I feel jealousy boil from the pit of my gut at Alec's name. I hate that douche. And the fact he is using this to get to my Bella just pisses me off.

"Why didn't she call me? I would have dropped everything to be there for her," I say, feeling hurt spread throughout my chest over top of the jealousy.

"She did, fucker!" Emmett rips. "You never answered your God damn phone!" I shrink back into my chair a bit at how loud my head of security can be, and how angry he is with me. "When Alec couldn't get a hold of you because you didn't show up to your meeting with him and his father—the head of the studio, I remind you—he called Bella. She explained to him where she was and why she was there. A guy, who has known her for all of two years, dropped everything to get a doctor for her dad and he even flew out to be with her for emotional support!"

I hear myself growl. "That fucker was just trying to get in her pants, just like he has been for the past two years." I wasn't going to let that happen. Not to my Bella.

"Do you even realize that she called you right after she got the call because she didn't want to fly out there and face what may be waiting for her alone? Or that once she got to the hospital she was so scared and she had no one to console her? Oh, and here's the kicker, when she tried to call her very wealthy, very influential so-called best friend for help in finding a better doctor for her father, he couldn't be bothered to pick up his fucking phone?" Emmett's face is bright red from yelling so loudly. "God damn it, son! If you weren't my boss and I didn't need this job so fucking badly, I would fucking walk too. Pull your head out of your ass for once, Edward. Look at yourself—fucking some whore in an alley in front of everyone. And when you get caught, you blame it on your best friend and publicist for 'not doing her job'. When did it become her job to be your fucking common sense?"

I watch as he turns to leave, but not before reaching in his pocket and pulling out an envelope. "This is from Bella. It's her resignation letter." He tosses the letter on my lap.

"Just so you know, before she left, Bella called and got the videos pulled from YouTube. It took her two hours and some serious smooth talking, but she did it. She couldn't do anything about the pictures online because she would need a signed statement from you explaining things. She did whisper into some of their ears that you may or may not have been slipped something in your drink, because you would never act like that on your own accord," Rose tells me as she and Emmett walk to the sliding door. Before she walks out, she turns around to say one last thing. "Even when she was pissed at you and clearly not responsible for you anymore, she still took care of you. How's that for a friend? Too bad you couldn't be one back to her. You broke her heart, asshole. Have fun living with that," she finishes, before actually walking through the door.

"What a fucking bitch!" Lauren screams. "I can't believe you just sat there and let her call me a whore!"

"Lauren, shut the fuck up! Did you hear nothing? Bella's dad … shit! He … fuck! I've known him all my life. He was—is a second father to me. And Bella … damn it. Bella." I whisper her name as my shaky hand opens the letter. I hear Lauren stomp off into the house, but she isn't my focus anymore.

_Edward,_

_I just wanted to let you know I've had all of the videos pulled from YouTube and I've planted seeds of doubt into most of the credible online tabloids about the photos. I couldn't do anything about getting them pulled without a written statement from you, though. _

_Along with my letter of resignation, I've also included a list of publicists I feel are great at what they do. They will get the job done for you, but you don't have to choose any of the ones I recommend, it's completely your choice. _

_The resignation letter will be effective as of five o'clock this evening. I will be on a plane heading home, so don't try to call me or try and talk me out of it. Just … please. If you loved me as a friend at all you will just … stay away. You've been hurtful, short and mean in the past, but what you said and how you said it today, it was just too much. You've hurt me beyond repair. You pummeled me when I was already down. You broke me when I needed you to pick me up and fix me. _

_It's as if you don't see me anymore. I'm tired of waiting for you to open up your eyes and see me__—__really _see_ me. So, it is best for us to just go our separate ways because I can't keep covering up for your poor choices. But most importantly, I can't keep being your verbal punching bag every time something doesn't go the way you want it to. _

_I have one last request and then I will be out of your life for good ... please, please, no more stupid choices. Just think before you act and speak. Try to be the man I know you are, even if you've forgotten how. He is a great guy. This person you've become, it's not you. It's not the Edward I know. Show the world what an amazing person you really are. _

_Bella_

How the fuck do I recover from this? I've just lost the only person who has ever understood me and loved me for who I am, for who I was before the fame. It feels like I've lost a part of myself that I might never recover. The pain radiating from the center of my chest outward is so intense, if I didn't know better, I would swear I was having a heart attack.

I look down at the clock on my phone ... 5:36 PM. It's the exact moment my heart failed me, and I died inside.

**Two Months Later**

"I don't think you comprehend the fact you are no longer in charge here, my pet. The moment you signed that contract, you gave all control of yourself over to me. To do with you as I please," I murmur to her ear as I press my groin into her. "So pet, if I want to put my hand up your dress and stroke that sweet pussy of mine at the dinner table, I will. I don't care who is there. You will spread those legs and thank me as I do it."

"Red," I hear her whisper.

"What?" I say, stepping back in shock while looking at her, panic rising throughout my body.

"I said red," she replies back to me with a little more force. "When I signed that contract I gave you my body for the playroom and appropriate times and places. I will not let you degrade me or your parents that way. So red. I'm done. End scene," she finishes as she ducks under my arms and runs down the hallway and out the door.

"And cut!" yells the director. After a few moments of watching the play-back he shouts, "That's a print ladies and gentlemen. Let's get the next shot ready to go. We just need to adjust some lighting and move the still cameras down the hallway."

I take a deep breath and allow myself to come out of my character. I feel my shoulders begin to relax, but like the last two months, they refuse to shake the tension they hold.

Two months and six days. I glance up at the clock ... how ironic thirty-six again, since she refused to return my phone calls, sent back the letters and refused delivery of the flowers I know she loves. It's been two months, six days and thirty-six minutes since I lost my best friend and the best part of who I was died as I read that damn letter.

I've used those two months to look at my life, who I was and who I allowed myself to become. I stopped drinking, stopped clubbing, stopped with my asshole-ish ways. I purged my life of the people who seemed to suck all of the good out of me, the people who left me the empty shell I turned myself into.

I got rid of Lauren, or should I say she walked away when she said I sucked the fun out of life. I got rid of the 'yes men' who I allowed to lead me wrong. I kept my agent, Marcus.

He has been a life saver. He kept me afloat when I wanted to throw it all in and give into the growing despair. He has taken on double duty as I have yet to get another publicist. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. It feels like I would be replacing Bella. I know in my head I have to hire someone, but my heart just won't let me yet.

My heart, that's another thing all together. I dream about her, about those chocolate eyes, and creamy skin. Her long dark hair that used to fan over my lap when we would lay together and watch movies. I miss her smell. The slightest hint of strawberry mixed with a crisp clean smell that was just Bella.

I miss her hugs and how she would pause just a moment longer than necessary; to hold me just a bit tighter and allow my senses to be filled with all that was Bella. I miss the way she would chew on the end of her pen cap when she was looking over contracts and deals that Marcus would send her way. Those lips that were wrapped around that cap would then linger on my cheek as she said good-bye to me before I left for filming or a promotional tour.

But most of all, I missed her companionship. I miss her barging in and demanding my time. I miss her laughing at her own stupid jokes. I miss just having her there to be myself around. I just fucking missed _her_.

Two months, six days and thirty-six minutes of my personal Bella-less hell.

I walk off to the side of the set and sit in my chair next to Emmett. The down side of the business is the waiting. So here I sit, waiting for the next shot to be set.

"That was a great take Edward," I hear Emmett say from beside me.

"Thanks. It felt good."

"Have to say, I never saw you as the Dom type. But, you seem to channel him perfectly," he chuckles out quietly.

"It was actually Bella's idea. She read the script when it was sent to me and said I had to do it. I actually wasn't going to take it. But … in the end, I took it for her. They came back just after … everything … and well, I felt like I needed to do it for her. I should have listened to her in the first place. It's a great role."

"Bella knows her shit," he simply states, checking his phone for the tenth time since I sat down.

His knee is bouncing like crazy. A sign I've come to know means he is nervous about something. Seeing as he is head of my security, I went on high alert. "Are you going to tell me what the hell is wrong or what is happening that's making you so nervous?"

"What do you mean?" Emmett asks, oblivious to his anxious tells.

"Your damn knee hasn't stopped moving and you've checked your phone about a dozen times since I've sat down."

He looked at me and hesitated. "I shouldn't be telling you this. Rose will kick my ass if she finds out, but it's Bella."

I can feel the panic rising with his words. "What the fuck is wrong with Bella?"

"Nothing medically, it's just … she's taken everything with her dad pretty hard. Then add on top everything that went down with you ..."

The fucker had the nerve to stop talking. "And? What the fuck, Em?"

"She shut down," he sighs out. "She spends all of her time at home hovering over Charlie since he was released from the hospital. She won't leave, won't do anything. Alice called Rose and said she was worried. She said Bella looks like she hasn't slept months, and I guess she has lost a lot of weight."

"Damn it!" I hiss.

"It must be pretty bad if Alice can't snap her out of it. From the few times we've hung out, it seems Alice can pretty much do just about anything she sets her mind to." Emmett looks worried and I can understand why.

"Yes she can," I say, taking out my phone and going right to the app I use to book a flight.

"What are you doing, Edward?" I just simply shrug my shoulders and keep booking my flight. "You better not be doing what I think you're doing."

"And what do you think I'm doing?"

"I think Rose is going to be pissed off at me when Bella calls and tells her for some reason you've shown up in Forks." Again, I simply shrug and confirm my flight before I close out of the app and jump up out of my seat. "You can't just up and leave in the middle of shooting."

"Watch me." I walk over to the director and explain I need the rest of the week and the weekend off for personal reasons. He reluctantly gives me the time off, saying he will shoot around me for the time being. He knows what having my name attached to this film is doing for it.

I run back over to Emmett, "I've got four hours to get to the hotel, pack a carry on, and get to the airport. You tell Rose nothing. You told me nothing. This is my one last ditch effort to go and get her back in my life."

"You've finally realized it, haven't you?" he asks as we make our way out to the SUV.

"What are you talking about?" I don't have time for his mind games.

"You love her." I roll my eyes at his words.

"I've always loved her, Emmett. She's my Bella." It's as simple as that.

"Did you just hear yourself? 'She's my Bella'. Do you realize the hole in your heart—the pain you're feeling isn't going to go away because she isn't here? That it's that kind of love?" he questions as we walk out of the studio. "She is way more than your best friend and publicist. She is the other half of you. Just like you are the other half of her."

I climb into the passenger seat and let Emmett's words sink in. She is my other half. My beautiful other half. Fuck me! I love her. I love her as more than my best friend. I'm _in_ love with her. I remember getting insanely jealous of any man who she went on a date with. I know I would always find a fault in him and plant that seed in her head. Then I would be there to pick up the pieces when it didn't work out—be her shoulder to cry on. Then I would turn around and make her clean up some stupid mess I made in the press. No wonder she left. I'll do whatever I have to in order to get her back. I can't stand the thought of not having her in my life. I'll drop to my knees and beg and plead for her forgiveness. I sink back into the seat and plot out what it is going to take to win her back as we make our way to the hotel.

I pull into Alice's driveway around eight o'clock that night. I never thought I would be so happy to be in Forks again.

As I turn off the engine and exit the car, I see Alice come out the front door and skip down the stairs towards me. In an instant she jumps and launches herself into my arms. "It's good to see you too, Pix," I laugh out, wrapping my arms around her.

I feel her loosen her grip on me, so I release her from mine. She grabs my hand and presses her thumb into my wrist and instantly, I'm on my knees.

"Fucking hell, Alice! What the fuck are you doing?" I yell.

"It's because of your dumbass and general fuckery that this is happening. You fucking broke her, Edward. You crushed the best damn thing that has ever—and will ever—happen to you. From what Rose said, she went easy on you with just a few little punches," she growls in a very un-pixie like voice.

"At ease, Pix," I hear Jasper's deep southern voice command from the front door of the house.

I breathe a sigh of relief when she lets go of my wrist. I stay kneeling. I see Jasper's feet coming into view. He offers his hand out to me, which I take. He helps me stand up before pulling me in for a hug and we pat each other on the back as we embrace. When we pull back, his look levels me. "You got once chance. Fuck it up and they will never find your body."

"I wouldn't want them to," I reply. "Life without her has been pure hell. I would welcome death."

He nods at me. "She is down at the beach in La Push. Charlie told her she needed to get out of the house."

I head back to the car and make my way to the beach. The fifteen minute drive is filled with memories from my youth. The bonfires we had with the La Push boys all through our school days come to the forefront of my mind. We may not have gone to the same school, but we were all friends because Bella introduced us.

There were many afternoons Bella and I would hideout at the beach when we skipped our final classes after lunch. She would sit drinking a bottle of water while I sat smoking a joint. Occasionally I could convince her to shotgun off of me. I was such a bad influence on her at times back then. She was the innocence to my sinfulness. We balanced each other out and I needed that balance back. Two months of being off kilter was more than enough. I am determined as I a pull into the parking area of the beach.

I don't see her right away, but I have a feeling I know where she is. I make my way down the empty beach to our spot. I pass washed up seaweed and driftwood while trying to dodge the water as it rolls in along the rocky shore line. Although it is still mid-August, the nights and the water were a bit chillier than any of the California beaches in the late evening.

I get closer to our bluff and I see her silhouette perched up on the shelf of rocks that overlook the water. I feel myself take in a shuttered breath the moment I see her. Even her outline is breathtaking. How ... Jesus Christ ... how in the hell have I been so damn blind? Fuck ... how the hell could I have been so shallow and stupid enough to let her go? I can tell she has lost weight, but she is still fucking stunning sitting there as she looks out at the crashing waves.

With each step I take toward her, I feel the crackle of air around me. I close my eyes and thank God that hasn't disappeared. I have always been able to feel her near me … even when my eyes couldn't see her.

I stand there for a while just staring at her, taking her in. Two months has been too long without seeing her beauty.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, not taking her eyes off the water.

"I came to check on you," I tell her as I take the last few steps before I sit next to her on the bluff. "I came to beg my best friend to forgive me."

I hear her scoff while pulling her legs up to her chest. "Sorry, but that ship sailed."

"Don't say that," I beg.

"Do you have any idea how hurt I was when you didn't answer any of my calls? Not a single one of the six times I called you. You didn't even listen to the messages I left you? The one time I really needed you to be there for me, you weren't." She takes in a shaky breath, scrubbing the tears away from her face. "I had to walk into the hospital room by myself. I had to look at Charlie laying there helpless. I … I had to hold myself together without anyone to lean on for support. Ali and Jazz were on vacation. The La Push guys were off on a camping trip. I had no one."

"I'm so fucking sorry Bella," I finally get to admit that to her. "I don't know enough languages to tell you enough times how sorry I am. Even then, it will never be enough."

"I needed someone to hold me up, Edward. I needed my best friend to be my strength and you weren't there." A humorless snort leaves her body and my heart sinks further. "And then to yell at me like you did. To blame your lack of common sense on me not doing my job, it was too much. It was like every selfish thing you have ever done suddenly became too much for me to carry any longer." She finally looks me in the eyes and all the brightness I loved about them was gone. The pain in my chest feels like six elephants standing on me at once. The tired tears and sadness are more than I can handle and I feel tears begin to escape down my cheeks. "I just can't do it. I can't put faith in you … that you will be there for me when you've proven your words mean nothing. I can't take the pain of watching you get caught up in your own hype … not anymore. I can't be that Edward's best friend. I don't want the person you have become in my life anymore."

I am so scared as those words come out of her mouth. I grab her and pull her close to me. "Fuck Bella! Don't … you can't say shit like that. I can't … I won't survive without you in my life. I'll change … I've been changing. I got rid of Lauren. I got rid of the hanger-ons. I don't party anymore. I'm studying my craft again. I'm getting my life back to where it was when I first started out. The only thing missing is you. Not you my assistant and publicist, but you my friend. My other half. The one person I can talk things out with. The only person I can figure things out with. Please … fuck, baby … please don't leave me."

She is now bawling into my chest as I hold onto her for dear life. I feel her push against my chest, trying to get away from me between sobs, but I tighten my hold on her. I won't let her get away from me.

"I don't think I can do it anymore. I … I … oh fuck!" She gives one final push against my chest to get away from me and I reluctantly loosen my hold on her. "I can't just be your friend anymore, Edward." She looks me in the eye with her sad defeated ones. "I've loved you since prom."

It's a revelation, that's for sure as she continues on. "When Royce got too handsy on the dance floor and you and Jasper beat the hell out of him. We all came back to this beach and Jake and the rez boys had the sound system playing. I think some cheesy boy band was playing—"

I interrupt her. "It was 98 Degrees. They were playing in the background. I remember that night, too. You were wearing a short, blue baby doll dress with a cluster of flowers under your right breast. Mom helped you pick it out," I divulge as I stare at her. I remember thinking how beautiful she looked in the moon-light in that dress, with her hair curled and a little bit of make-up on. I remember it was the first time she took my breath away.

"You told me it was a shame to waste such a beautiful dress and not have a proper dance on prom night," she picks back up where I left off and then she slides the rest of the way out of my arms, pulling her legs back against her chest before wrapping her arms around them. "We danced in the sand under the stars and I lost my heart to you. Then it broke just as soon as the song ended and Bree walked up and asked if you would dance with her. You gave my shoulders a quick squeeze before you took off with her down the beach. When I was finally able to look back toward you, you were dancing and kissing her. We didn't talk the rest of that night because you were with her. I decided right then and there, that whatever I was feeling was wrong and I couldn't … shouldn't love you." She wipes more tears from her eyes. "The song was so fucking fitting now that I think about it. The hardest thing I ever had to do. I could never let you know how I truly felt.

"I thought over time, the feelings would go away but they only got stronger. The pain only got worse with each pretty woman that would hang on your arm or I would stumble across as they were coming out of your bed when I would get to your place." There is a long, painful stretch of silence but I can tell she's not done, so I wait. "I just can't do it anymore, Edward. I can't just be your friend anymore. It hurts too damn much."

"What if I told you I didn't want you to be just my friend anymore? What if I told you I have finally opened my eyes and how all of the memories of us together have been some of the best in my life? That I finally opened my eyes to what you really and truly mean to me."

"Don't do that," she says, getting up and walking past me to climb off the rocks.

"Don't do what? Finally be honest with you? With myself?" I theorize aloud as I follow her back down to the sand.

"Don't say things you don't mean just to try and make me stay in your life, Edward. You'll play the part for a while … I know that, it's what you do. But then things will go back to how they were. We'll blame it on the fact that we are just better frie—"

I don't let her finish. I clasp her face in my hands and press my lips to hers. My lips cover her soft, tear-drenched ones. I hold her in place as I pour every apology I owe her, every ounce of pent up need I have for her, and all of my love for her into that kiss. When I pull back from her lips, I continue resting my forehead against hers and speak the words of my heart.

"That should have been what I did after our dance on prom," I declare before kissing her forehead. "Tell me you didn't feel that. That you don't feel that crackle of electricity in the air and all around you when we're near each other. I feel it every time you come near me, eyes opened or closed I feel it. I physically know you are near me before I see you … I feel you. I always have, Bella ... even before I understood what it meant."

I feel her nod against me. "I do. But—"

"No. Please, please don't give up on me. Give me another chance. Give us a chance to finally let this happen now that I've pulled my head out of my ass. Let me prove to you I can be the best friend you need. As well as the something more we both want," I plead with her.

"I can't just let all this anger and hurt go, Edward. It's going to take me a little while before I can trust the words you're saying are honest and true."

"I understand." Because I really do. I've fucked up. "All I'm asking is you let me in a little. Let me prove it to you."

I feel her arms go around my neck, and for the first time in two months, I feel myself fully relax. I know it's because I'm home.

"How did you know I was here?" She asks as we stand there holding each other.

I decide on honesty, even if it lands Emmett in hot water. "Well, I had just finished filming a scene on my latest movie, and Emmett was upset, constantly checking at his phone. I convinced him to tell me what was going on. Once he did, I begged the director to give me a few days off so I could come to you. To finally be here for you; where I should have been months … if not years ago. When I got into town, I went straight to Ali and Jazz's house. He told me where you would be."

"What you are filming? When I left you weren't scheduled to film anything."

"Remember that script you wanted me to do? The Dom role?" I feel her nod her head. "Well, the actor that was slotted to play it backed out at the last minute, so when they asked again, I took it. I knew you thought I would be perfect for the role."

"You really took it?" She asks, pulling back a bit, to look me in the eye.

"Yes. I know how much you love the books. I finally gave them all a read and then re-read the script. I felt I could really push myself with this role. Make it something amazing."

"I know you can. You're great at what you do." Bella is amazing.

"You always did have faith in me."

"And you never did have enough faith in yourself." I can feel her shaking her head at my idiocy.

"You are the best part of me, Bella. You make me a better man. I got caught up in my own hype like you said. But I promise, never again." I give her a soft, lingering kiss. "Never again. I'll never hurt you again."

"I don't think I would survive if you did," I hear her confess in a whisper.

"I won't. Let me prove it to you." I watch her take a deep breath as she thinks things over. I take a leap of faith and try to bring a little of our playful banter back. "I've been studying up on this BDSM stuff for my role. I could always make you," I claim while smiling to let her know I'm teasing her. I hear her let a little giggle escape and it's music to my ears. "God, I've missed that sound."

She tilts her head up to meet my gaze. Life is beginning to seep its way back into her eyes. "We have to take it slow. I set the pace. I am in no way ready for whips and floggers."

"How about just nipple clamps and vibrators then?" I blather back. I watch as she blushes, and I feel my jeans tighten at the redness. "Nipple clamps and vibrators it is," I announce before pecking her lips.

"Slow," she pleads, looking deep into my eyes. "I haven't had a man in my bed for a very long time. When I invite you in, I need my whole heart to be there and right now, my heart is still a broken puzzle and missing pieces."

"I'll help you find them and put it back together," I inform her whole pulling her closer, hugging her to me. "After all, I am the asshole that broke it."

I feel her sigh and snuggle into me. My smile bigger than it has been in months, hell, years as she speaks. "98 Degrees should be playing right now."

"Nick Lachey is a friend, I could call him up and ask him to sing over the phone," I reply with a chuckle.

"You know Nick Lachey?" She asks, looking up at me and I nod. She shakes her head, as if she's changing her mind, but then explains where her thoughts are. "No. I actually have to get back and check on Charlie. Make sure he is set for the night."

She pulls back a bit from me as I talk. "I would really like to come and see Charlie. I haven't stopped thinking about him since I found out," I hint. I'm not ready to be apart from her yet. After the past two months and realizing I'm in love with her, I don't want to leave her side. And I really do want to see Charlie too.

"He loved the fishing basket you sent him. Says he can't wait to get you out on the boat like you promised in your note."

"I plan on letting him hold me to that." Again with the honesty.

"Jacob and Seth are sitting with him right now, so it may be better if you let them leave before you come and see Charlie."

"I'll wait outside; face them away from Charlie so we don't upset him. I have to get it over with sooner or later. Jasper already threatened death with no hope of finding my body if I hurt you again."

"Sounds like Jazz," she says with a laugh before she kisses me. It's the first time she initiates a kiss between us and it sets my heart racing. "Are you really ready to try this? Really try this? I won't hide us, Edward."

"I don't want to hide you. I want you by my side. Forever. As my best friend and something so much more."

"Okay." She lets out a sigh. "I'll give you a chance."

Those five words mean more to me than anything at this moment, and I can't wait to start my life with her.

It has been four months. One month of Charlie and me convincing Bella he is well enough to be on his own. Another month to convince her to move in with me. And two months of waking up with a hard-on every morning while Bella sleeps soundly in the bed next to me.

As promised, we have been taking this slow. We have gotten to know each other on a completely different level than before. We knew each other as best friends, but now we went on dates. I found out she likes to hold hands while we are walking together. That she loves it when lean in and kiss her forehead or temple.

I've learned of all the sweetest spots she loves to have kissed and caressed. I love how she smiles so big when I bring her flowers for no reason other than to let her know how much I love her. But what I love the most is that she owns me completely. Heart, mind, body and soul … it's all hers.

I walk into our house and find her standing in a beautiful black halter-top sundress as she puts ornaments on our Christmas tree. It isn't our first Christmas together, but it is our first as boyfriend and girlfriend. The beautiful tree she spent hours dragging me throughout the tree farm in search of is proudly on display in our living room. It's right in front of the bay window and is lighting up the room with white lights. Mismatched and hand-crafted ornaments she picked up from various countries and cities we visited over the years while I was filming decorate the branches. Strands of threaded popcorn she hand strung while we watched a movie last night are draped along the branches as well. The handmade tree skirt her grandmother Swan made lays around the trunk, covering the stand and waiting for brightly wrapped presents to be put under the tree. It is one hundred percent Bella, and it is beautiful … just like her.

She turns to see me standing in the door-way watching. "You're just in time. I need you to put the star on for me," she says before making her way to the box said star is housed in. She hands me the light up star. "There is a plug near the top of the branches baby," she tells me and then turns around to finished packing up the now empty boxes.

I climb the ladder and situate the star on the top of the tree. After plugging it in, I smile as I hear her gasp. "It's beautiful!"

I step off the ladder and stand back before pulling her back to my chest. "You did a great job, love. Merry Christmas."

She turns in my arms and takes my face in her hands. "Merry Christmas, baby." She then pulls me down to her for a kiss. "Would you like your gift a few weeks early?"

"Yes please," I say, feeling giddy.

She takes me by the hand and leads me to the bedroom. "You have been so patient and understanding with me, taking things slow, but I'm ready for more." As she says those words, she reaches behind her neck and loosens the halter, letting her dress pool around her feet.

She is breathtaking as she stands in front of me in only a pair of blue lace panties. She releases her hair from the confines of its clip and as it grazes her breast, I watch her nipple pucker and feel myself harden at the sight. I step forward and cup the back her head slowly bringing her lips to mine. I kiss her softly at first, deepening it as we go along. I glide my tongue along her bottom lip and she opens to me. Her soft moan turning me on even more.

I pull back for a breath and also need to tell her just how much she means to me. "I fucking love you so much, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward."

I pick her up and carry her to our bed. Laying her down, I pull my shirt over my head while toeing off my shoes. I run my hand up her legs, stopping at her hips. I trace her hip bones with my thumbs before sliding her panties down and tossing them on the floor. I kneel in front of her and run my nose up her pussy. "You smell so damn amazing," I say before giving her one long lick. I feel her hips buck up to meet my mouth, and I smirk. It seems as if I'm not the only one who has been suffering the past few months.

I work her over with my mouth, sucking, licking and biting as I go, making sure to plunge my tongue into her while working her clit with my thumb. With one final lick to her very swollen clit, I bite down and watch in awe as she comes undone. I lick up everything she releases as she rides out her orgasm.

I stand and unbutton my pants, letting them fall to the floor with the rest of our clothes. I slide off my boxers and pull off my socks before I climb on top of her. "I truly do love you so much, Bella," I whisper against her lips before I kiss her and slowly thrust into her.

She arches up off the bed and sighs. "Oh God! So damn full!" she moans out.

"Damn, you're tight baby," I say, slowly pulling out and pushing back in. Resting my weight on my elbows, I watch her as we make love.

I love the feel of her hands on my back, clenching onto my shoulders as I move inside of her. She wraps her legs around my hips tighter, pulling me further into her.

"Fuck you feel good," she tells me, before pulling me down for a kiss. I match the thrusts of my hips with the thrusts of my tongue.

To think, I almost never had this. All because I was so stupid and blind. The thought is too much and I begin to feel the tightening in my balls. She is my everything and she finally trusts me enough to physically show her how much she means to me.

She takes her hand and places it over my heart. "Forever," she whispers as she clamps down on my cock, sending her into another climax and initiating mine.

"Fuck Bella! I love you!" I yell out as I come inside of her.

We both ride out our highs. I regretfully ease out of her and roll to my side, but not before pulling her with me. "That was the best present you could have ever given me. It will forever be the best present you give me."

"I'm sure there will be better presents through the years."

"No." I shake my head. "Trust me. This will always be at the top of the list."

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to return the nipple claps and vibrators."

Her words make me freeze.

"No you don't!" I shout before rolling her over and hover over her again. "Those will be a close second," I say as start to harden again.

She looks up at me with wide eyes. "Again? Already?"

"Oh yes! Definitely again."

She giggles. "Merry Christmas, baby."

"A very Merry Christmas, love."

**Well, what did you all think? I hope you liked it. Please leave me some love and let me know how you feel. I love hearing from all of you. Until next time. I promise, promise, promise Lasciviousness and Innocence will update soon. Life with my daughter in schools seems to have gotten so hectic. But, I promise it is coming. I hope to see you soon with that update.**


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